crim•i•nal de•fense at•tor•ney

/ ˈkrimənl dəˈfen(t)s əˈtərnē / : noun.

1. a licensed lawyer specializing in representing individuals or entities accused of committing criminal acts, working to protect their rights and liberty;
2. someone to whom one must bring their most unusual, out-of-the-blue, and “purely hypothetical” legal questions.

Because of the work we do, we are asked legal questions daily—from defendants, friends, family, and strangers alike:

some questions are serious, some are common, some—absolutely unhinged.

This page pulls together the ones we found most interesting, with quick answers you can actually understand. Strap in.

This does not create an attorney/client relationship. This is general information; simply for fun—not legal advice.
If your situation is real, your legal advice should be too: please, tell us about it here.

  • No. Your father’s cousin would be your second cousin.

    It is legal to marry your second cousin in Wisconsin.

    Wisconsin law is actually pretty straightforward on this point: second cousins are allowed to marry. The statute (§ 765.03(1)) only prohibits marriages between people who are more closely related than second cousins. In other words, second cousins themselves are not included in the ban—they fall just outside of it.

    Bonus: First cousins are allowed to marry in Wisconsin if the female of the marriage has obtained the age of 55 or either party can prove they are permanently sterile.

  • Yes. It was the absolute pits.

    The Bar Exam consists of the following:

    Day One—Morning (3 hours):

    • Two to three essays (60-90 min. each)

    • Closed universe: The prompt gives you the facts and the laws to apply.

    • Thirteen areas of law tested.

    Day One—Afternoon (3 hours):

    • Five to seven essays (30-ish min. each)

    • No notes—only memorization

    • Thirteen areas of law tested.

    Day Two—Morning (3 hours):

    • 100 multiple choice questions

    • No notes—only memorization

    • Nine areas of law tested.

    Day Two—Afternoon (3 hours):

    • 100 multiple choice questions

    • No notes—only memorization

    • Nine areas of law tested.

    Total—12 hours:

    • 2 days—6 hours on day one, 6 hours on day two.

    • 2-3 long essays

    • 5-7 “short” essays

    • 200 multiple choice questions

  • The easy answer:
    Felonies are more serious than misdemeanors—and the consequences reflect that.

    Felonies (very serious):

    Wisconsin has nine classes of felonies, ranging from
    Class A (most serious) to Class I (least serious).
    Felonies have a maximum penalty that exceeds 1 year.
    Sentences that exceeds one year are spent in a state prison.

    Examples of Felonies
    Homicide offenses
    Armed robbery
    Drug distribution
    Arson
    Strangulation
    Large-value theft
    Fleeing police

    Misdemeanors (still serious—just less so):

    Wisconsin has four types of misdemeanors:
    Class A (most serious) to Class C (least serious), and “unclassified” (Class U).
    Misdemeanors have a maximum penalty that is less than 1 year.
    Sentences under 1 year are spent in a county jail.

    Examples of Misdemeanors
    Criminal trespass
    Disorderly conduct
    OWI (second offense)
    Trespassing
    Criminal damage to property
    Battery

    A Quick Example:

    Take “theft,” for example:

    • Under $2,500 → Misdemeanor (up to 9 months)

    • Over $2,500 → Felony (up to 3.5 years)

    • Over $10,000 → Felony (up to 10 years)

    Same type of offense—very different consequences depending on the facts.

    One Important Note: Just because a charge has a maximum penalty doesn’t mean that’s what will happen. Outcomes vary widely based on the facts, the defendant’s record, and how the case is handled.

  • Absolutely not.

    Contact an attorney before ever voluntarily giving anything to law enforcement for an investigation.

  • Yes, but the access is somewhat limited.

    Go to this website.

    > Click “I Agree”

    > Type in a last name and a first name of whom you would like to search.

    > Click “Search”

    > On the lefthand side, under the heading, “Case number,” each case is a hyperlink.

    > Click the case number (link) to view public records of that case.

    This website (commonly referred to as “CCAP”) allows the public to search pending and closed cases of all case types (criminal, civil, family, etc.). The site does not allow public access to documentation filed within cases, and further protects otherwise confidential records.

    NOTE: This allows the public to view pending and completed (closed) cases. That is, if the “Case status” remains “Open,” all defendants are presumed innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.

  • No. Wisconsin does not authorize or practice capital punishment.

    It was abolished in 1853, making Wisconsin one of the earliest states to eliminate capital punishment.

    Since then, the maximum penalty for the most serious crimes (like first-degree intentional homicide) is life imprisonment, often without the possibility of parole.

  • Wonderful Nothing
    by Glass Animals

    “[. . .]

    Wonderful nothing
    I want you to bury me alive
    Put me in a dungeon
    I come back in with a one-two

    I come back in with a one-two
    Sucker punch in the gut, here's a tissue
    Truth hurts when it points right at you
    Sit down now for some ground rules, thank you

    Don't talk, that's it, just one
    Do you think you can handle that much?
    I've just come back to life
    I'm here, I'm your little ray of sunshine

    [. . .]”

This does not create an attorney/client relationship.

This is general information, simply for fun: not legal advice.
If your situation is real, your legal advice should be too:

Tell us about it.